How easily you unconciously give your power away
Keep your Power
We never realise how easily we give our power away every day, and in the funniest situations, until we’ve been consumed by our loss of power. Then, somehow we step back and see our sacrifice of self for what it is: Illusion. Fear. Worry.
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
Corrie ten Boom.
I had to laugh at myself recently, because I realized that I had given my power away. Oh, the situation was quite voluntarily – the other woman probably had no idea how small I felt and how much time I spent obsessing about her.
Let me explain how I gave up my power by sharing a personal story. I hope this will inspire you to keep your own life force and energy more to yourself.
Background
Many of you know that I am divorced and a single mother of three children. Recently, my children’s father remarried
My oldest son is graduating from high school this week. As you can imagine, many parents and family members will attend this wonderful event. There are so many students graduating that each family was only able to reserve a few seats. We were lucky to get enough seats for my children, my ex, and myself, and chair reservations were restricted to immediate family only.
Of course, I knew that my son’s father would surely want to attend this once in a lifetime event too, and I booked a seat for him. At that time, I didn’t know that he would be getting married.
When we got our seating arrangements, I forwarded all the information on to my ex, so that he would be able to find his seat easily on the morning of the graduation.
He wrote back, “How many seats do you have for me?” I replied, “’One.” He told me that he would ask the school for another seat, as his fiancé (now wife) wanted to attend as well.
The shock
At first, I was furious. I felt that this woman was intruding in my life AGAIN. I felt pity for my ex because it seemed that he couldn’t attend his son’s graduation alone.
I also strongly felt that this event was for my son and the people close to him. He hadn’t even seen his new stepmother in the past five years. The only time he saw her was at the wedding, a couple of weeks ago.
After some smouldering, I just decided to let go and let the Universe decide. If I were to tell my ex that I didn’t want his new wife to attend the ceremony, he would probably just go behind my back and ask for the extra seat anyway. Even if he called the school, they might tell him that there were no seats left – and it wouldn’t have been my fault. (According to him, everything was always my fault. He made that clear during 20 years of marriage and 6 years of separation… or so it seemed to me.)
So, I calmed myself. I applied several healing techniques: I breathed in and out, I told myself to let it go, and I just accepted the fact that she might be there, too.
For me, it was all about knowing when to let go, when to react, and when to simply accept.
“Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not.”
Ana Moonar
Fear struck
The fact that I would see my ex’s new wife at the graduation brought up a whole new whirlwind of emotions. All of a sudden, how I look became very important to me. I worried without end about what to wear, and nothing seemed suitable for the occasion. I realized that I’d gained a couple of kilos during the last few years, so most of the dresses I have wouldn’t fit anymore.
I looked at my belly, and was disgusted. Oh yes, the self-loathing and comparing had begun. I thought about my size and how I don’t like the fact that I am bigger than I would like to be. I worried about going shopping, thinking that the dresses would all be too small, and that I would look like a stranded whale anyway. (Obviously, I have some body issues left over from my childhood. I grew up with two slim, long legged sisters. I always felt like the fat, ugly duckling because I just had a different body type then they did.)
Oftentimes, a little incident in the present can bring up childhood fears, or old pain. This is a sign that it is time to heal and release those old emotions.
Comparison
I kept imagining my ex’s new wife standing there – very flashy and chic, trendy and slim – and I saw myself next to her, as we say in German, as fashionable as a farmer girl.
I was stressing myself out, constantly worrying about what I would wear and how I would look. My constant questions about dress code and complaints about having nothing to wear was driving my friends crazy.
As you can tell, I completely forgot to use positive self-talk (read about the importance of positive self-talk) and positive thinking (read about it here). My negative thoughts ran wild.
Even as I write this story for you, I also know that I am writing for myself, as I, too, need to hear these messages, and be reminded again.
How often do I compare myself with others daily, and in what situations? Time to observe, realise, and let go.
Have you ever realised, that people often compare their worst moments with the best moments of others. Is that fair?
‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’
Theodore Roosevelt
My wonderful friends
Even though I’d been driving my friends nuts with my fretting about what to wear, one of them offered to take me shopping to find something that would suit both the occasion and me.
Friends are wonderful for support and also to speak up and assist us along the way.
Taking action
I knew I had it all somewhere – the dress, shoes, stockings, Pashmina, and handbag – everything I needed to look presentable for my son’s graduation. I used to be an executive’s wife, and I’d had to attend company dinners and events.
I prefer jeans and comfy shirts these days, though – and it’s likely that I loathe dressing up, as I still connect it with those dreadful moments when I was at my husband’s work functions. I felt so out of place, like I was just an attachment, and not a real person.
So one morning, I opened my closet and tried on one of my old dresses. I went down to my daughter and asked her if the dress was suitable to wear for the graduation ceremony. She said it was.
I tried on another dress. It, too, still fit me and was worthy of the big event. In the end, I had four suitable dresses to wear for graduation, and they all fit. Wow!
I’d been driving myself crazy because I thought that I didn’t have any dresses that fit and were dressy enough. It was only because she might be there too.
When all of the spinning thoughts start to drive you mad, it’s awesome to take action. Just do something to work toward what you need to do. It’s likely that you will find that most of your fears don’t even materialize.
“How would your life be different if… (Y)ou stopped worrying about things you can’t control and started focusing on the things you can? Let today be the day… (Y)ou free yourself from fruitless worry, seize the day and take effective action on things you can change.”
Steve Maraboli
That afternoon, I was still obsessing about the dress – which one I would wear, how I would greet my ex’s new wife, how I would introduce her… and all of a sudden it struck me.
I had given my power away
That realization helped me to let all of the fear, anxiety, and comparison fall away.
I had been thinking so much about my ex-husband’s new wife – about seeing her at graduation – that it took all my happiness away. Without realizing what I did, I gave her so much power over me.
Who was she for me to feel inferior to? Why was I still comparing myself to a slim flashy girl? Why could I not allow myself just to be me, the comfortable down to earth, heart-centred person that I am. Why did I, all of a sudden, feel that I wasn’t good enough?
The belly I carry isn’t necessarily bad, as it shows I am an Earth Angel – a light worker – who is sensitive (proudly so), takes on energies, and needs that extra shielding. (Of course there are ways to prevent gaining weight to shield by simply shielding yourself, read more about that and releasing lower energies).
I am proud of myself. I brought up three wonderful kids on my own, with no support at all. Why did I discount this very important fact?
Now that I realize that I gave my power away by being in fear mode and comparing myself, I feel much better, and more relaxed.
I have arrived again in the here and now.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
Lao Tzu
I don’t have to please anyone (apart from myself), least of all my ex or his new wife.
I am going to the graduation ceremony to celebrate the wonderful achievement of my oldest child – to show my pride for him, to stand next to him – not to compare myself to my ex’s new wife. What I wear doesn’t matter. I will be there with all the love a mother could give her child – that is all that counts, what truly matters, for my children anyway.
I hope that reading this story of mine has helped you see any parallels that you might have in your life:
Do you give your power away?
Do you still compare yourself?
Are you ready to release it all?
Warm hugs to you all~
May you see yourself as the wonderful being you are.
In my E-book I talk about Indigo children. My oldest son – who is graduating now (2015) with honours – had a rough start at school because he is an Indigo child. He was rejected at school and they wanted to put him on Ritalin. Later, he was misunderstood again by the system. Eventually, his personality unfolded, he was accepted, and he thrived.
We learnt so much during this journey. I would love to share what we learned with you.
If you have one of the beautiful Indigo children yourself, hang in there. It will get better. Just remember to be grateful for all the learning you are doing on this path, too.
You can find my E-book here
